Anger Management

 

Anger, of all human emotions, perhaps no other is more puzzling or troublesome.  None of us likes to be angry and yet we can't seem to prevent ourselves from feeling this way at times. We are often told, "it’s nothing to get angry about," and still an angry response often seems to be amongst our first.  We are taught from a young age that we must learn to 'control our anger' and yet we all 'lose it' from time to time.

 

While it is normal and healthy to experience anger, how we react when angered can have a significant impact on our relationships, our work, and our health.  A Chinese proverb states, "By controlling the anger of a minute, you may avoid the remorse of a lifetime." But how does one control anger, especially when it seems to be such an automatic response? Anger management experts suggest the following:

 

• Understand why you get angry:  Anger is an emotion that helps us to defend ourselves in the face of threat.  If you become angry it is because something has occurred which has been perceived as a threat to your physical safety, or more frequently, to your psychological well-being.  Usually it is easy to identify the events that lead us to experience anger. It is more difficult to identify why we perceive these events as a threat.  Think about the last time that you became angry. Review the events that led you to feel this way.  Now, think about how you may have perceived these events as a threat.  Perhaps the actions of another person made you feel unimportant, worthless, or invalid.  Once you have acknowledged the threat, you are better able to defend yourself.
• Take ownership of your anger:  A common belief is that our anger is the direct result of the actions of others.  This belief implies that your anger will not go away until others change how they are acting.  The fact of matter is that our anger results from our perception that events in the environment are a threat to us.  Maybe you've noticed that the exact same event evokes an anger response from you sometimes, but not others.