Be assertive, not aggressive:As mentioned earlier, anger serves a
very important function.It
prepares us to defend ourselves against threats to our physical safety or
psychological well-being.Although
it is often appropriate to feel angry, it is never appropriate to use that
anger to do harm.Instead, use your
anger to cue an assertive response.An assertive response is one in which you exert your rights as an
individual without subsequent offense.Effective assertion does not provoke unwanted feelings of
aggression on the part of the listener.Also:being assertive in the
face of anger involves first calming yourself, re-evaluating the situation
to make sure you are not acting on irrational interpretations, and
reminding yourself that you own your anger.If, after taking these steps, you still
feel that a response is warranted, think of a way you can communicate to
the other person how you feel without attacking them.Try saying in a calm and controlled
tone, "I feel angry when I think... (describe how you see the
event)." This will inform the other person of your interpretation of
their actions and of your emotional reaction to that interpretation.It will allow the other person to clarify
their intent and will provide an opportunity for both of you to resolve
the issue in a calm and collaborative manner.
Venting may not help:Research shows that "venting" or repeatedly reviewing and
discussing the offending event, may not lead to a reduction in feelings of
anger.In fact, excessive venting
can actually prolong your anger response.While it can be helpful to discuss your feelings with others, it is
not helpful to rehash the offending event over-and-over once the situation
has been resolved.If you find
yourself repeatedly replaying an anger-provoking situation, try thought
stopping. This technique involves saying the word "STOP" to
yourself anytime you catch yourself rehashing the event. Then, say to
yourself, "I've already dealt with this and it is time I move
on."
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